Who's seen the 'Black Swan'?
In her embodiment of the shadow, Nina was electrifying. Who didn't feel a jolt of life-force through their own veins as she finally awakens to her primal nature, eyes wildly ablaze?
With a hungry recognition of our own repressed animal nature, we lamented for our own secret Self that wants to be free, wild, unaffected... Oh how glorious it would be to live and not give a ****!
In our high-pressure and over-regulated world, this aspect of ourself is, of course, given minimal permission.
We are expected to be polite and measured in our demeanour, denying the pulses of our truth, lest it cause a ruckus. Who didn’t feel a vague familiarity at the scared, pleasing ballerina who just wanted to get it right so that she would be loved?
Yet at the same time, there was the pressure on her to be a woman completely embodying her sexual power - and are there too not parts in our life when we are given mixed messages, asked to turn it off and on at will.
‘Be feminine... but not ditzy!’ ‘ Be a man... but not a bogan!’ ‘Claim us gents.... but don’t be chauvenistic!’ ‘Be a sexual goddess... but don’t be a slut!’
Yet our systems aren't designed to turn it off and on at will. It is all run by the same sexual mechanism. We can't expect our women to be 'ladies' and then turn it on and be 'lose'. We can't label our men to be 'cavemen' or 'cowards', then complain that they don't 'claim' us.
Where is the line? Who defines it or even knows? For so long, we've been so confused about what it is to be a man or a woman that we have just accepted a numbed down version of how society must run and fear anything beyond it.
From a young age, fear and a mistrust in our own - and each other's - power (read - energy) has ruled us. Our exhuberant self expression was usually too intense for someone. We were reprimanded for crying too passionately, laughing too loudly, raging too theatrically. Yet if only the currents of these emotions were free to simply pass through us - without oppression or judgement - then perhaps today we could be free open and whole - like indeed the ‘animal’ nature we yearn for so much.
And we love animals, don’t we? For their innocence and authenticity primarily. No one is telling a dog to act like a cat. Territorial expressions are accepted and expected. Are we forgetting that, actually... we are animals too?
Emotions turn to painful actions only when they don’t have a proper channel out, an exit through our movement and sound. This is when they begin to stew and simmer inside of us, waiting for their next loaded outlet. Could it be that a repression of our anger leads to outbursts of violence? Wouldn't it be lovely if more of our parents told us that when we are upset, it's ok to punch a pillow, or scream into it... that intensity is ok, as long as it doesn't hurt someone else?
When we are told to fear our emotions, we tend to go numb - and the intellect takes over. That is why so many relationships today are decided by the head, not the heart. When a response is required of us, we go into acting more to ensure we present the recipient with the right 'answer'. So if we are really pissed off, we act like we're cool. If we are bored, we act like we're in raptures. If we are indifferent, we pretend like we care.
To counter this numbness, pain was Nina's gateway to getting real with her truth. It was the only way to connect with those angry, buried aspects of herself... Rest assured that dormant anger delightfully resides in you too, in all of us - ready to be channeled healthfully into your own masterpiece!
I connected to my own alter ego... the 'black panther' as my teacher called it.
In my own private space, I had reason to growl those chords loose... and I let that be ok. As I let go of my frustrations, they were without blame or malice. Simply, just an honouring of and letting go of my own energy. Yes, it was painful at times to feel. But I was feeling things again... and it was worth it.
Since embodying my animal nature and allowing it regular expression in my meditation and dance, I have become oddly calmer. I am even way nicer. It’s like Mila Kunis’s Lily, who displays that healthy embodiment - being at once truly sexual and sweet, she knows that that primal power is always in the back burner, allowing her life and performances to relax into effortlessness.
The crux for all of us that all the while we try to be 'good', we are repeatedly drawn to the 'bad' (or really, authentic). Why else would we be enamoured with Lily? Or vixens like Angelina Jolie and a plethora of all those handsome bad boys?
If this ressonates with you, here is how you can begin to tap into your own inner ‘darkness’ - and truly come alive:
1. Do some intense exercise - even if it's a sprint for 20 minutes. Tap into any supressed, natural anger throughout the day and channel it out through your movement.
2. Scream in the car. Or in the bath. Or on a mountain top. Most importantly is that you scream. Every animal roars so do not be afraid of your own voice. It’s wildly liberating.
3. Punch a pillow or a boxing bag. In general, get used to dynamic movement. Animals pounce and preen and you should too. Shake your body really vigorously as if you are three again and having a tantie at Woollies. It’s just as fun now. Dance as if you are a tribal savage. The point here is to give yourself permission to be wild and ridiculous, not Beyonce.
4. Breathe deeply. Our instinctual wisdom lives in our lower bellies. How often do you go there? If you want to continue feeling stuck and frustrated, keep going with your shallow chest-breath.
5. Have a body work session. This is the ultimate emotional and spiritual recharge. Using breath and accupressure points will release old stagnant energy and create more room for that electrifying life force to flow through you. (I am trained to do them, as are some other wonderful practitioners. Drop me a line on alina@alinabcoaching.com if you want to book in or know more).
That’s it for now. Do what you need to do for yourself daily to be positive and calm - even if that means screaming into a pillow for 20 minutes non-stop. After all, society would expect nothing less ;)
Til next time,
Alina xx
