DO BOUNDARIES WITHOUT BEING BRUTAL
Updated: Jan 14
Why is a two-letter word sometimes the hardest thing to say? An aversion to uttering a simple NO, and all its variants, may feel easier in the moment... but leads to the fall-out of betraying your soul down the line.
Whether it's an ailing relationship that drags on past its use-by date, a mind-numbing dinner party you wanted to miss, an abusive rant you did not need to endure.... transgressions against our sovereignty, allowed to exists only because absorbing the toxin felt easier than cutting the chord.
Because we tremble to utter NO, we persevere with the low-grade comfort... agreeable, meek and accomodating at the expense of our worth; hoping that our green-lighting of bullshit is the only antidote from ending up alone.
So instead, we process our frustrations in passive-aggressive passages, choosing to bitch and complain incessantly about our drama for for months on end, draining our friend's patience at would be joyous catch-ups.
So, it's time to become discerning.
Cut the crap from your life (you won't miss it) and make room for new, beautiful people and adventures that reflect more aptly the depth of the woman that you are.
"Act like a queen, be treated like a queen"
The most important thing about boundaries is that they are upheld then and there. Not in a month, not in a week... but ideally, in the moment.
That means that as soon as you feel even a twinking of bullshit, you aknowledge it - firmly and politely. Don't sit on it for months on end, allowing it to stew into an awkward explosion (although sometimes it can be better later than staying seething and silent for ever). If you can, act like a grown woman and speak up right away - NO! Here is a 5 step process to help you exist like a boss: STEP 1 Be aware of what's draining you. Take note of it and aknowlege to yourself that it's not right. Once you feel the burn of unrest within you, give yourself permission to pull away from it, permanently or temporarily. It's amazing how emboldened we feel to assert ourselves once we accept that if it doesn't feel ok then it's NOT OK. STEP 2
As I've previously discussed, our emotional / magnetic power rests on our commitment to contain energy within our body (read my post on mystery for more). Boundaries, which is what saying "No" asserts, protect you from anything that steals your joy.
Many things can do that - people who talk endlessly about themselves, shocking news, chronic complainers, losing your day to the computer screen, processed, plastic food...
To preserve your power, it's imperative to have awareness of the effect these things have on you and distance yourself from them at earliest convenience. This is not bitchy - it's self-care.
Wouldn't your energy be more fuelled by people and projects that uplift and inspire you? Wouldn't you THRIVE if you off-set screen time with a walk outdoors, or a massage, if you can get it?
Authenticity (the topic of an upcoming post) is another great way of dispersing negative energy. Be REAL with people about where you stand - you could actually be offering them a rare gift of honesty, rather than being saccharine and compliant. If someone is venting beyond toleration, gently point it out to them. If someone is talking on and on at the expense of others, delicately interrupt their trance and restore the group flow. Instead of helplessly pandering to their blindspot like everyone else, display genuine care by speaking earnestly and upleveling your friend to shine with you.
If there's no escaping the draining scenario (uncle Glenn at a wedding, a difficult client), nothing beats igniting your aura with a sphere of radiant light to keep your energy pure, powerful and clean whilst deflecting any negativity back to the sender as unconditional love.
You can have your own variation on these energy shields. Play with the substance, frequency and imaginative design that works for you.
Now your turn! Please share your insights, tips and opinions so that all our dear readers can up-level to become Boundary Queens!
What works for you? What doesn't? What else is on your mind?
With much warmth,