• Alina B


Updated: Jan 13

It seems that everywhere I turn, people list "Mystery" as one of their most coveted qualities - both to cultivate within or enjoy with a partner.

Yet, in our communication-rich, overstimulated culture, few of us can actually pin-point what mystery is and how to embody it.

This post is my attempt to decipher the myths of Mystery - and give some practical advice based on my work, experience and keen observation.

First Up, What Mystery is NOT:

- Being deceitful

- Being a mute

- Being evasive

- Being a closed book

Those qualities do not entice or enchant the other person and do not allow for a sexually tense, energetic exchange.

In fact, they are based on the misguided (but common) assumption that there is to be minimal communication in order for one to be successfully mysterious!

Alas, that isn't so.

Most of us modern women have normalised, even celebrated communicating everything that crosses our mind like a boss, laying our thoughts and feelings on the line, practicing directness and being a general open book. So, when the desire to be explore our inner mystery muse arises, we are likely to clam up and shut down completely as a knee-jerk reaction.

I myself am a recovering over-communicator.

It is only through the skills I have learned along the way that have allowed the people around me to finally take out their ear plugs.

And yet, we can be honest and true to ourselves, while still leaving others wanting more. The desire to leaving someone hungry to know us may, indeed, be the ultimate allure.

Mystery is derived from HOW you communicate as much as what you omit. Ommission is a careful and discerning art because the goal here is to still maintain integrity. You can be totally sincere, yet have people dying to know more about you.

How To Be More Mysterious

The first and obvious step is to talk less. Not entirely succumb to one word sentences, but reduce your ramble by 30%. Do not diatribe on. When we talk, we spill, rather than contain, our energy... and the magnetic pull between you and the other person diminishes. When there is too much 'stuff' in the air... it reduces sexual tension, even in platonic environments.

You may have things to add to this theory, but talking more than necessary likely comes from an underlying fear that you wont be understood, validated or heard.

Does that resonate?

So, give your own succinctness - and your listener's comprehension - more credit. If, from this point, you choose to communicate with more thoughtfulness and discernment, your listener will feel blessed by most potent soundbites only, and you will be heard, understood and embraced at a more heart-felt level.

Finally just because we say less, doesn't mean we stop communicating.

What if we could transmit everything with only our body language - through a loaded glance, a slow smile, a non-challant wave, a wink, a shrug?

This one gesture can be more erotically charged or meaningful that 10000 words... and leave a delicious state of space and tension between 2 bodies.

Try it!

So, To Summarise:

Instead of releasing the stress built up in your body throughout out the day with talking and talking (after all, isn't it just a way of dispersing tension?) , contain your potency by saying less and communicating your feelings through your body - a piercing gaze, a cheeky smile, a suggestive eye brow.

Body talk is WAY sexier and more impactful that a lengthy explanation - I assure you!

Furthermore, this technique has the added benefit of helping the other wonder what you're thinking - which, voila - leaves them hungry for more!

Seduction is all about igniting the romantic imagination - which is exactly what you're doing when you leave some things unsaid.

Let me know how you go in the comments!


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