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  • Writer's pictureAlina B

How to be more mysterious

Updated: Feb 27

For some reason, when we think of being more mysterious, we always tend to think of French women. Perhaps it's their 'devil may care' attitude and how they live life for seemingly their own pleasure... not seeking to impress others, but rather cultivating their inner world, and only letting a select few worthy friends and lovers into their complex emotional tapestry. So why does the concept of being mysterious then, by default, seem so foreign? Are we the product of a culture that tells us to share all is to be loved for all?

That to withhold some aspects of ourselves is somehow a version of a lie, or a form of betrayal? As I explore this concept and its origins in the seductive psyche, it points to different psychological assumptions.

Such as, we want what we can't have. We want what we have to work for. We are drawn to the unknown, and repelled by the familiar. But can a woman just 'be' more mysterious? Does it not then become some type of charade or pretending? You can only bat your eyelashes and withhold so much, until inadvertently, the verbal diarrhoea that is the normal part of your vernacular starts pouring out in a comfortable, unguarded moment? Is it not manipulative to be 'someone you're not', just to secure a man's affections? Well, yes and no. So I invite you to read on. What if, I invited you to view mystery as an act of self-connection - and self-preservation? In the same way that our stereotypical Parisienne withholds things for her own autonomy, what if by saying less, on occasion, we allow ourselves to feel, and to receive more?

In our communication-rich, overstimulated culture, few women can actually pin-point what mystery is and how to embody it... yet we vividly sense when we're in the presence of this allure. We pine for their attention. We lean into their orbit. In a world where someone uniquely gives us less, we instantly want more.

Yet our cultural norms have not celebrated privacy, instead encouraging oversharing any meal, mood or moment that crosses our mind. When the desire to withhold some things for privacy or even titilation strikes, why is the knee-jerk reaction so often to clam up, or judge ourselves, or question our ethics or intentions?

I myself am a recovering over-communicator. And let me tell you right now, that mystery is not -

- Being deceitful

- Being on mute

- Being a closed book

Those qualities do not feel good inside, nor do they endear the friendships in your company. Nor, most importantly, do they allow for that sexually tense, energetic exchange that leaving a space between your words and movements would allow!

Instead, we can be honest and true to ourselves... and still leaves others wanting more.

A man being hungry to know us may, indeed, be the ultimate form of seduction... even beyond those Loubotin stilettos or that irresistible flick of your hair.

Mystery is derived from HOW you communicate as much as what you omit.

Omission is a careful and discerning art because the goal here is to still maintain integrity. You can be totally sincere, yet have people drawn to know more about you... because they feel the power and confidence in you revealing only that which you are ready to reveal. And not succumb to social curiosity and pressure! That sense of self-possession is grounded and sexy.

How To Be More Mysterious

The first and obvious step is to slow down your breath and speech... which will immediately mean you talk less. This is not because you succumb to one-word sentences, but because slowing down makes you more conscious of what you say. You are less likely to over-explain or repeat yourself... which are just conversation fillers that take away from the heart of your messages. You will say less, but it will be SO much more potent.

When there is too many words in the air... it reduces both curiosity and sexual tension, even in platonic environments.

Talking more than necessary comes from an underlying fear that you won't be understood, validated or heard. When you slow down, breathe and connect within, you will immediate have emotional power behind your message. THAT is the clarity that will get you heard and seen every time.

When you communicate with more thoughtfulness and discernment, you will always be heard, understood and embraced at a more heart-felt level.

Another thing that happens when you slow down is that your gestures naturally amplify and your body goes into a natural animation.

We can transmit every emotion with only our body... without the need to over explain - through a loaded glance, a slow smile, a non-challant wave, a wink, a shrug?

Our bodies have a magnetic field that is more potent than the output of 10000 words to try and capture the same thing... If you could have a conversation only with your body, how would that look and feel?

So, to summarise:

Instead of releasing the tension of the day with lots of talking, try containing your emotional energy by saying less, but still communicating everything you want to say through your body. Do not underestimate a piercing gaze, a languid sigh or a suggestive brow lift in getting your message across crystal clear!

Seduction is all about igniting the romantic imagination - which is exactly what you're doing when you leave some things unsaid. And the biggest, truest bonus is that you get to choose yourself.

You get to connect within, feel and know and explore - and consciously express - your sacred, precious energy.

Now over to you! Do you feel like you're mysterious? Do you even care? What are your opinions and thoughts on this explanation, and how it may serve you?

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